Tomb Raider Music - 2001

History :
             Apparently this artifact will only work during a rare alignment of planets "culminating in a full solar eclipse." Nevermind that it's a physical impossibility for other planets to cause an eclipse on Earth. Nevermind that the artifact is shown in 5,000-year-old flashbacks working just fine even when there isn't an alignment or an eclipse. But let's not nit-pick. This movie is a washout even without such moronic blunders.

A rave music-fueled, double espresso attempt by a wannabe John Woo to morph together scraps of "Batman" (Lara's high-tech estate comes with a deadpan butler), "Indiana Jones" (Lara faces down a nefarious rival archeologist) and "The Fifth Element" (nonsensical countdown-to-cataclysm plot) -- then slap a pair of boobs on the resulting hybrid creature -- "Tomb Raider" isn't so much a movie made from a video game as a movie made for a video game mentality.

             The stunts are undeniably cool since they're the only real point of the picture. In the best sequence, a bungee-bounding Lara bounces off the walls while fighting off a band of heavily armed intruders who rappel through the skylights of her manor in a raid aimed at purloining another important plot device -- I mean artifact..But as butt-kicking as such scenes are, the rest of the movie is at least twice as stupid. Story development depends on the cheapest and clumsiest of expository dialogue. Pseudo-spiritualism is invoked to pad the run time and imply an artificial depth of character that the pixilated version of Lara Croft never had. And in the last reel even the action becomes boring when fight scenes are thrown in willy-nilly because the finale lacks punch."Tomb Raider" knows what its target audience wants -- bullets, breasts and things that go boom. But if you're not a part of that 14-year-old dude-mentality demographic, chances are you'd prefer an action flick that acknowledges its own absurdities. 

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